2 beers and 2 dudes...

I am always entertained by the excuses/stories that people come up with in the ER. I can't tell you how many times we here, "I've only had two beers" or "I was minding my own business when these two dudes came out of nowhere" or "I must have picked that up from a toilet-seat". We get a kick out of the stories we here. But every once in a great while, we will get a patient that actually tells the truth. This is a story about that patient...

This past weekend, I was working the early shift. About 6:30 am, EMS encodes with an "unresponsive male" in his mid-twenties. Several minutes later, they arrive with one such guy, who has obviously had way too much fun the night before. The guy reeks of alcohol, and finally starts waking up after a one-time dose of Narcan (reversal agent for Opiate medication). Anyway, the more time that goes by, the more this guy starts to reveal his antics from that night. And surprisingly, he is actually a pretty nice, and very funny guy. He admits to drinking very heavily (and in fact, his blood alcohol level was 0.34 which is more than 4x the legal limit), as well as doing several different street-drugs. Okay, fast-forward several minutes...the guy is getting rolled back from getting a CT scan of his head and sees me talking to a police officer that apparently, he knows on a first-name basis. This is how the rest of the story plays out...

Patient: "Heeey (in a super-inebriated voice), Officer Smith"
Smith turns to me and in a very confused voice says, "Who the heck is that guy?"
I assumed that Smith must have had multiple run-ins with this guy, but after explaining the situation to him, he still can not figure out who this patient is, or why he would know him.
A few minutes, the curiosity is killing Smith, so he goes into the room and says, "Hey man, did you just say 'Officer Smith' out there??"
Patient: "Yeah man....don't you remember me??"
Smith: "honestly, no."
Patient: "Duuuuude. You taught my D.A.R.E. program."
Surprised Smith: "Man! What are you doing here?!"
Patient: (laughing now) "you didn't do a good job, man. you didn't do a good job"